Dear diary: surprise 

Today I found out my grandpa passed away. I’m mostly sad for my dad, I feel bad for him. My dads always alone. Now he’s going back to Vietnam for the funeral, he actually just went to see him last month . And on top of all that Jordan told how he felt and it was not good at all. I feel so sad and I feel like such a failure. Right now I just need someone but I feel like I have no one to talk to . He said that he’s been feeling sad and he’s tired of my shit and that his heart hurts. I just had no idea he felt that way . Honestly most of the time if I don’t know what to do or how to fix it . It’s like maybe we should just be apart and focus on ourselves but at the same time I want that but I want him more than anything in the world that I have to keep trying . 

Today I meet this lady, her name is Caye. I was doing her nails and she started crying. She said her husband just past away . I smiled at her and said it’s okay. I immediately thought what Jordan would do if I were sad . I told her it’s okay just cry it all out . We talked and I told her I cry all the time and she laughed. Haha. She told me about her husband and what a great person he was . She reminded me of the lady in the moive called under the Tuscan sun. She is so sad but she’s going to live life . I just thought to myself, your husband taught u well . Sometimes I don’t know what I’ll do without Jordan but if something did happen, I have to live life and be happy . Just everything that happened today , there was a reason why I met her and I’m glad I did . 

Right now I just want to be with Jordan and tell him about my day . He said he’ll text or call me later….. wish I had someone’s advice … I wish I could do better ….

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