Dear diary:…………..

Two days ago, he texted me saying and asking if I was okay and that he misses me and a bunch of other things. I didn’t reply until two hours later, becasue when I saw it I just felt tired to even answer, like my heart is tired to deal with it. When I had replied, 3 mins later I get a call from him and he’s at my house. I let him in of course, he needed to see me and talk. He was crying and so sad and needed me. I’m the type of person who will be there mo matter what or at least I try. We sat and talked, cried, laid together, and finally had sex after like 10 days…… we took a nap and after I had asked him if he wanted to go eat with me for the last time before he goes. We went to go eat, took pics, talked, and cried some more. He took me home and said, “I promise I will never do what I did (whatever that is) and I’ll be here for you.” All I needed from him before was just a little more.

That night I had told him I’m going out with my friends to a birthday downtown and he’s all concern. I wasn’t not going to tell him….anyway I was out and he’s texting me and blown up my phone. He basically said if I don’t call he’s not sleeping and all these things. He just want me to come over  after so he can take care of me. Jordan is amazing, just wish he cared extra when we were together. I know how he is, in the end I ended up at his place. He took very good care of me as always. We slept till noon and he took me home. A few hours later he called and asked me to come over to have dinner and finish up our tv show, and so we did. I spent the night, best sleep ever in a while. I was so comfy.

We haven’t fought for three days now and pretty much had the best few days in a long time. He’s been showing more and more, giving me lots of love just like I needed and wanted. I don’t know whats going on with us, but were still talking and texting and he’s telling me a lot more than usual I would say. As I’m writing this he calls, becasue he just got off work. We talked for 20 mins, and I don’t think that’s ever happened before. We are always arguing and can never finish a conversation.So far lots has changed and we are making progress. It’s hard not to think about how I felt last week and what happened. I was so hurt, that feeling was the worst! I’m still hurting and I hope it will go away someday. I know Jordan has a lot going on, I don’t blame him. We all go through phases. I think about life without him and I can’t. I want him to be with me forever. I see him trying and I’m trying too, but I think we are both done arguing. My heart hurts too much. Sometimes it can only handle so much.

He told me today, “You know what I realized when I hangout with Christian and stuff….. I realized how much I love you.” Like holy crap! I was so in awe and starting tearing. I know he means what he said and I trust him, it just meant a lot that he said that to me. I finally believe that he really does loves me. I know he does in general, but he finally realizing something. I don’d know…..but this past week, I don’t think I’ve ever been so sad, but then I’m starting to be happy with Jordan these past few days. Like I don’t feel the need to say anything negative anymore, everything I have been saying are good positive things. Maybe becasue he’s showing more love……we will see how it goes.

School starts tomorrow and I’m dreading the drive, traffic and having to be up at 5am everyday. But I’m excited for a couple classes:) Wish me luck!


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