Dear diary: drinking and blogging 

Today I finished all my lessons plans. It’s almost thanksgiving and it’s a little depressing . There is so much shit to do. I gotta finish school this semester strong, move out in a month, and my mom is opening up her own business meaning I’m helping her. I’m so stressed. Everything is happening all at once. Maybe it’s for the best. I went to the gym tonight and saw Jordan’s dad, he came over to say hi . I think he knows. You know what I really think ? White people are fake, they say hi to be nice because it’s the right thing to do, but really they know. And me on the other hand, I’m too honest. I say mean things or say things that isn’t needed. I’m learning how to be nice. I miss Jordan everyday . Somedays are hard, someday are okay. I know it’ll get better. I know it’s over, but sometimes I don’t know. I know I’l have to see him again because he owes me something. I want to see him, but best that I don’t. He said a lot the last time we saw each other….. “we belong together but maybe just not right now” and “I will marry you someday” uhhhhg. I’m healing and it’s going to be awhile to love someone else. My first love was blind love and with Jordan it was real, I actually saw  myself with him. And what the hell happened? I’ve never been so broken . Sometimes I think that I’m so fucked up, but I’m really not. Apart of me will always love Jordan. Why is that ? Maybe my third love will be better ! 

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