Dear diary: I’m done

It’s has been a week now we been trying, but I don’t see him trying at all. He came to me because he missed me and the next day it was nothing. We both said to take it slow, but it wasn’t going anywhere. He only came to me when he needed me and I was there for him. When I needed him the most he wouldn’t even answer my calls or text! We hung out once and he said he wants to spend time with me and all this crap, but nothing has happened. He can barely text me, or even call me, he’s out doing whatever he does, hanging out with friends and doing drugs. I don’t see him wanting me what so ever. I know he has a lot going on, but he’s not trying to figure it out like he’s suppose to. He’s avoiding everything. All he says to me is I’m being negative and pressuring his feelings. He told me he doesn’t even know who is or what he wants. If he can’t figure that out, how can he be able to be with me. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t know what they want in life. It’s doesn’t work like that. I understand how he feels, but I’ve been fighting for a month. I tell him everyday how much I love him and I’m getting nothing back. This isn’t what I want. It’s not fair to me. Why should I be waiting around? I need to move on with my days and be okay and not wait and see if he’s going to text me or not. My heart hurts too much and I feel like I can’t breathe. I am so exhausted! I don’t sleep or eat. I’m just done, I can’t handle the pain. I still believe he is the one for me and that we belong together and if he can see that, he’ll come back to me one day. Right now, the best thing to do for me and for him is to be apart. That’s what I told him yesterday and he got mad. We argued of course and I ended it by saying, “We need to work on ourselves and be apart. I miss you.” He didn’t reply of course, typical Jordan. I’m so use to him not replying to me I don’t even care anymore. I’m sad and all, but I finally feel a little better and I got some sleep. Today I actually feel okay. Just hoping one day he can figure it out. I’m done waiting around, but I’m not going to stop loving him.

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