Dear diary: We are all human, we feel things….

I feel like I’m literally going crazy. Jordan didn’t answer my calls or text for a day, so i worried and so many thoughts going through my head. Knowing myself as a person I freak out a lot, I over-think things, and assume. Isn’t this what most women do? We have been through a lot and all we do is argue. In the end I know it’s my fault. Jordan always makes everything better and never gave up on me until today. If you love someone, why and how would you ignore them like that? I blew up his phone is because I care and I worried and I just wanted to know what he’s doing, I even thought he died. I had text him some shitty things. When I had came home from school he finally called and I blew up on him and started bawling. I’ve been crying for a few hours now off and on. He said he was with friends and didn’t look at his phone and just went to bed and in the morning he just didn’t want to deal with my shit. I fucked up. Now he won’t talk to me or anything. I don’t like not knowing things and having to wait for people. He said he needed a day to himself. I don’t know whats going on or what to do with myself. I told him I was sorry, but I don’t think he’s accepting it at the moment. All I want is to tell him I miss him and that I love him, but I can’t because I was screaming at him. I think I shouldn’t text him unless he’s ready. I don’t know what to do. Should I break up with him or should I try? I feel like I’m so mad because he ignored me for a day and he had promise me he wouldn’t do that again. My heart literally aches. I know I have trust issues and I’ve been trying to work on it. Sometimes I don’t know how. I want to be with him because he’s basically the love of my life. I know he is the one. I want to be with him forever, but there is also things I don’t like and trying to except and it’s still hard for me. We just had our 1 year anniversary and I was so happy. I just wanna marry him. I love Jordan more and more everyday and I miss him every single day no matter what happened. I seem to screw everything up. I just want things to go back to normal. I’m a mess and I don’t know what I would do with out him. I’ve never said this to anyone I dated before, but I honestly can’t live with out him. None of this feels right or good at all. I just have to pray for everything to be okay.


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