Dear diary: TN

So I am In TN again, but this time only for 10 days. I’m just visiting my dad and I felt like I needed to get away from home. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe when I’m living with my mom, she’s too much. Being away will make it better for sure, sometimes you just need time away. Even though I’m working my ass off over here, it keeps me busy and not think about things. It’s only been one day and I feel home sick already, missing Jordan, my bed, my baby Bubba.

Everything has been good I guess. Finals are over and I passed all my classes; all A’s and one B. I feel so accomplished and relieved. I am very happy. I am going to summer school this summer, I hope that goes well.

Jordan and I have been doing well I would say. I was going through some insecurities. You know, the first few months of a relationship is like your honeymoon and as you’re together for a while its still amazing but as obsessive I would say. I don’t really know what the word is….but I’ve been feeling insecure about our relationship and sometimes I don’t know how to control it or fix it. I constantly freak out on him, ask him 100 questions, worry, thinking bad thoughts. I know what hes doing, but I think bad things, like is he ignoring me, cheating on me, talking to other people, thinks I’m boring??? I love him so much that I’m scared to lose him so I freak out on him and he’s like wtf! We argue all the time and a lot of the times it’s my fault. I feel like this is becasue my past relationships, it’s like I have trust issues. I get really bad anxiety and I don’t know how to control it. I know Jordan isn’t doing anything wrong, I tend to find a reason to hate on people I guess. He’s too amazing and perfect! It’s too good to be true! I know that I need to stop over thinking things. So far I’ve been doing well. I mean, I’m gone for 10 days and it seems like forever. My friends says that this is good, missing each other is a good thing. Anyway I’m super tired, I only got 3 hours of sleep since I got to Tn. Yay for me, my boss has a fucking rooster so it cocks every morning at 5am every 5 mins. Getting no sleep here for sure. Hope everyone has a nice night!

 

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