Dear diary: The past week

I have been needing to blog so bad. School is taking over my life! I had another midterm yesterday. I’m pretty sure it was the worst test I’ve ever taken, well, the feeling part was the worst. I had to pull another all nighter and it was not worth it what so ever. Only had two hours of sleep and I was exhausted all day. I studied and studied, but I couldn’t comprehend it anymore. It was too much and so overwhelming. What teacher gives you 114 terms to study in a week?  I wanted to die! Everyone in the class had been complaining and stressing out over the test and it was hard. Students left within 30 minutes, which means they didn’t finish. You can tell when someone knows the test or not. Basically I stared at the test for a while, filled in everything, and wrote what I could remember or knew. I pretty much guessed on the test instead of leaving it blank. I left within an hour. I couldn’t do it anymore. My brain literally hurt. I know I tried my best. Now I know what to expect, I’ll do better next time. I know that I failed but I’m not mad or upset. It’s over with now, time for the next one.

School is going by so fast, which is great but there is so little time to do everything. Every chance I get, I do homework. There is two more months of school left until winter break! I can not wait! My brain needs rest, but I won’t stop trying until its over.

Jordan and I only have been seeing each other for a few weeks now, and it’s crazy how much I like him. I took him out to pizza last week, since he’s been so kind to me. I called it a hangout, but he said it was a date. Sometimes, I don’t even know what a date is so I just say we are hanging out. He’s so sweet though. He always likes to hold me and kiss me, even out in public, it’s very comforting. When we had pizza, a conversation had came up, he asked me where I have been the past year. Basically, we were suppose to hangout days ago but that never happen. I told him, I got back from Tennessee, I started school again and just been working….I tried to avoid telling him about Mitchell but I told him anyway. He asked me when was the last guy I dated, I had paused because I guess I didn’t want him to think that he’s just a rebound when he really isn’t. So I told him everything about Mitchell, well the basics. Everything isn’t needed. Mitchell is really old news, that was like 5 months ago. I’m over it. So we talked for a while at the pizza place and it was nice, talking and having a real conversation is what’s best in a relationship. You get to know them better, know how they are and why and then you get to understand. Jordan said he has always been dumped so he stopped dating for a while and tried to focus on himself, which is understandable. He told me about his past girlfriends and had told me so many great things he likes about me. It was nice to heard things like that. It really has been a while since someone made me feel like this. Last night, I went to see him and I had told him that I wish we had hangout before when we first met. But things happen for a reason right? I told him why and more about Mitchell, because while I was with Mitchell, there were times I wanted to text him. I guess I was bored. Mitchell never made me feel amazing. Anyway, I’m glad Jordan and I finally got the chance to hangout. It was worth the time waiting and it feels great. When I met Jordan he was going through a hard time so he didn’t want me involved, he wanted to work things out himself, but I told him it’s okay to work things out together. There are times when we all want to be alone, but sometimes having or getting help is nice too. I know how it is. So when I said that, he just kissed me and smiled. I also told him, “What you and I have, I haven’t felt like this in a long time, like really long time.” I know his heart smiled for sure. He said, “No one has ever made me smile like this before.” I asked him why he hasn’t had a girlfriend, he just said that he’s picky lol, I guess I was surprised. I’m picky too for sure. Jordan likes me for so many reasons, but the number one reason why he likes me so much is that I show him so much kindness by holding him and rubbing him all the time. He said no one has ever done that for him. Jordan and I have so much passion and I enjoy time with him so much. When he holds me, it’s like therapeutic. My body suddenly melts. Every morning and through out my day I get a snap chat or text from him. It’s so sweet and makes me smile. He would send me snaps just saying have a good day or I miss you or him giving me kisses. It’s so cute, I’m blushing. He always says hi and see how I’m going. Just knowing that someone you like is thinking of you is a good feeling you know.

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