Dear diary: Moving forward

I feel like I have accomplished so much this week, especially in school. Finals are coming up this week and I’m getting all ready for it. I have been doing so much work, my brain is practically dead. But that’s what my day off is for, to recharge everything; my brain and body. I woke up this morning feeling like I drank last night lol but I didn’t of course. By the end of the week, I can’t even function anymore so I just feel that way when I wake up. I slept in until 10 am! It felt amazing. My sister and I had some Mexican food and went shopping, it was a successful day off. Always happy to be eating good food and spending time with my sister.

My dog has stopped itching and he smells so much better; no more ear infection for him. My poor baby was itching for the past year and we didn’t know what it was. Now he’s all better, I’m so relieved and happy. Bubba is just so cute, I miss him everyday while I’m gone and when I come home and get to see him waiting in his room, I’m the happiest person you’ll ever see. I freaking love him, he’s my baby.

I have been thinking a lot about the future and what I want to do. Once I graduate, I should start teaching ASAP but I really don’t want to.  I want to travel or take a long vacation. I want to go back to Vietnam, but this time to see my mom’s side of the family. I heard where she lives is beautiful with all the beaches, scenery, and better food! When we went with our dad, we didn’t get to eat food that we like, except the Pho was amazing. We ate mostly homemade food, nothing off the street. I want to go back to Vietnam or I want to go to Greece or Spain or Hawaii….I never get to travel and now that I have the chance and money, I can actually go. I just need someone to go with haha. Also I would like to move out, maybe move up north, which would be so cool, or live in the bay area which is nice too. I want/need to get my own place eventually, but for now living with mom is okay…… it’s really not necessary for me to move out anytime soon or at the moment. I live in a “mini mansion” that’s what my friends call it lol we all have our own rooms and stuff, but I like my own everything and I need a bigger room. I miss living on my own. I know I sound high maintenance but this is who I am. I don’t like living with other people. I rather live by myself or with my sister. There’s too much obligations and responsibilities with your parent’s. I need out! Also I’m thinking about buying a new car during the school years or maybe I should wait. I’ve had my car for 5 years now and I’m pretty sure its going to break down. I know it’ll last me through my school years but now that I have money, I can buy a brand new car. There’s so many things that I want and want to do, but I know it takes time. I know I have my whole life, but I’m 25 now. I need to finish school, and I want to do all these things. When I was a teen or even in my early 20’s, I never really got to do amazing things or live my life. I was worried about stupid stuff, worked way too much, and worried about other people. I never really hung out with friend’s. Now it’s time for me. I have finally figure out what I want and I’m so happy with myself and life, that I’m ready for anything.

So I’ve finally figured it out. I needed some answers and advice about Mitchell so I had talked to a couple friends and they said not to think too much about the conversation. He was just checking up on me and he just wanted to feel wanted. I understand how he feels but I’m not to give it to him. We all want to feel wanted and loved. He had his chance, and it’s not fair to me if I try to talk to him or make anything happen. I have been resisting him for a week. I wanted to text him so bad but I know I cannot do that to myself. He came back from his trip and he’s realized how much I was there for him and he just wanted to feel wanted again so he was “checking up” on me. In the end he still doesn’t want to be with me so what’s the point? I’ve figured it out. It’s done, I’m over it, I’m done trying, nothing I can do. And I’m glad nothing really happened. It was just a text. I can move on again. I know one day I will find someone who will truly commit to me.

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