Dear diary: My very 1st Blog

I finally have time to write-up my first blog! To be honest I don’t even know where to begin about my life. It has been a crazy three busy week with school, work, and being a nanny. I can’t even catch my breath. I guess first of all, I am exhausted. Most of my brain, all it responds to is homework. Oh! What am I going to do after school? Oh….hw. Oh! What are you going to do on your day off? (which is one day a week) Oh, hw….There is no more time to have fun and socialize which I’m okay with. I had my fun and it’s time to put on my big girl pants! Literally all I do is school, hw, school, hw. If not that, it’s work but I don’t mind. It’s part of being a college student and an adult. Right? I am 25 years old now, things are different and so is your thinking. I am very independent so I can care less about partying and doing crazy stuff, I rather be at home and cuddle in bed with my dog and my T.V shows on my day off (which what I will be doing after this blog).

There has been too many thoughts on my mind; some random and some that are actual thoughts about people and life. Last week I got a text from Mitchell, this guy I dated for 7 months who never wanted to commit to me in the end so I broke it off. We dated for a while but he didn’t want it to make it an official boyfriend girlfriend thing. But anyway, I haven’t heard from him since we broke up 3 months ago so I was very surprised. He pretty much said, “I’m going to South America and if anything happens, just know that you were on my mind.” My thoughts were: first of all I was freaking out of course lol but I knew exactly what I wanted to say. It was simply, “You are going to have a great time and be safe. I am so happy for you!” Our break up was very mutual so we are civil towards each other. But really my thoughts were, why are you texting me, why are you even telling me this, you haven’t talk to me in 3 months, why now? Because you’re leaving? I mean, I get why. He means what he says. He just wants to tell me that and that’s it. But shit, he’s going on vacation, he’s going to have a great time, he’s not gonna die! lol Obviously it’s going to be fun. I mean, it is nice of him to say that to me but not necessary. I don’t need to start remembering how sad he made me feel. I broke up with him a week before my birthday, and on my birthday my eyes were so fucking swollen but I just really wanted a picture of me and my cake. I fucking turned 25 okay?! lol it is a big deal. I had to break it off because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Then after that I cried for 2 weeks everyday, it was so painful. Anyway, as he’s on vacation he would send me snap chat pictures or videos. I really don’t care but of course I’m curious why. Knowing Mitchell, he’s probably just sending it to me and it means nothing. Men are stupid. The text was just a text, but there’s nothing that I will or can do about it. He obviously doesn’t know what he wants. Yes, I think about him so that means I miss him? It’s stupid. I know in reality nothing should or will happen but in another world….what is going to happen next or what is going to happen when he comes back from his trip?!

Last weekend, Jordan texted me at 2am. Okay, like what do you want? You drunk or bored this time? It was random because he hasn’t text me in a month. I met him at a bar last year after Mitchell said he didn’t want to do the “relationship” thing with me but then a week later we got back together. Jordan is this very attractive guy, I was into him only because he asked for my number and asked to hangout. BUT hanging out never happened and it still . Hilarious right? Just lately he would text me here and there but it’s really boring. He doesn’t know what he wants either! So he asked me if I wanted to see a movie at his house last Sunday. I pretty much said no and was straight forward with him and said, “To be honest that sounds really nice and I want to but I barely know you. We text here and there and nothing has happened. So maybe next time if you really want to hangout text me in advance and not last-minute.” Obviously he wanted to “Netflix and chill” but I’m over that phase. I want to go on a real date okay?! Is that so hard?! 3 months ago I’ll “Netflix and chill” with you but no thank you. Too late! And after all the times I made an effort to hangout he kind of flaked. I feel like he’s intimidated because I am 2 years older than him. I could be wrong, but really he doesn’t know what he wants. Like, figure it out and then talk to me. I’m busy and I don’t have time for this shit.

I haven’t seen my friend Victoria since her birthday in August. We finally got to go to dinner to actually talk and caught up. I really enjoyed my time with her. I really needed it, girl time you know.

A couple of days ago, I was carrying Bubba downstairs and I accidentally dropped him. I picked him up with one hand and on my other hand I was carrying other things. He had a hard fall since our house is all tile flooring. I was so scared, I thought I broke his ribs or something. I know he was scared but he’s okay, he’s walking normal. While I was at school that day, I was so worried. I thought he might of have internal bleeding or something dramatic that I would think about. I’m sorry Bubba I love you.

Back to Mitchell, yes I have thought about him lately only because he sent me that text. Someone once told me that breakups are like having a death in the family. I never had a death in my family before so I don’t know how that really feels. But she’s right, it’s losing that person you talk to everyday, the person you do things with and then all of a sudden they’re gone. It really is a lost, that’s why it’s sad and hard.

I know that who ever is reading this may not understand much or think of my stories of anything but it is my first and personal blog. I just hope you guys will keep reading my life and thoughts to understand. I am hoping to blog daily but I am a full-time student and work full-time so I will try my best.

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